Tuesday, July 26, 2011
lost. My feelings are all over the place. I can't remember if I previously blogged about Matts incident last year. Matt got into an altercation with my brother which led to probation. Well Matt got fired yesterday. His boss claimed that he had never called into work to see if anything was going on. Matt had called a few times, but his boss never answered. Matt didn't even try to fight for his job. He could have shown his boss from his phone where he had tried to call, but instead he just said ok!!!! Since he's on probation nobody wants to hire him!! I'm so stressed!!!! I've been looking for jobs so that I can help out, but I'm being a little picky because I'm going to be going to school full time. All of this stress has led to other feelings. A part of me is telling me that this is a chance to do something else relationship wise. Don't get me wrong, I love my husband and deeply care about him, but I'm at my breaking point. We've been through a lot together and I really, really hate to give up at this point. I feel like my love slips away a little each day. I remember when I used to be crazy about him. I wanted to be with him every waking moment and sleeping one, too, lol. Now, we can't even be around each other longer than a day without fighting. I guess it could just be marriage and not being in that honeymoon stage anymore. I just have so many conflicting feelings right now. At times, I feel like there's more out there for me. This is limited to realtionships. I feel like there is so much more out there for my career and the things I want to accomplish. However, I'm afraid that if I were to make a change like this, it would be the biggest mistake of my life. I have a husband that loves me and does his best to take care of me. He's literally my best friend. Nobody knows me like he does, not even close. I'm afraid of losing that to just a feeling of wanting more. But what if I'm just wasting my life away on just a fear? I'm just so lost. I wish I could see into the future to see what choice would be the best for me, my children, my whole family. I seriously don't know what to do.