I never thought when I met Matt 4 and a half years ago we would be here. I never thought 4 years ago we would be finding out that I was pregnant with Zachary. Here today, Zachary will be 4 in May. He will be starting preschool next year if we decide to do it. I never thought that just under two years ago we would be only two months away from having our second son. Jack will be two in just two more months. I never thought that on his 2 week check up we would be sent to the hospital. I never thought he would quit breathing. I never thought I would look at my son and think my child has died. I never thought he would have gotten so sick. I never thought he would be as healthy as he is today. I never thought that a year ago, on October 10, 2008, I would find out that we were expecting our third child. At this point, I was about to quit babysitting the 7 yr old boy little James and 18 month old Bryan. At this point I was getting really excited about out upcoming vacation. I never thought that my Matt would deliver our son. I never thought life could be so perfect. I never thought Stetson would get so sick in the middle of July. I never thought we would have to make the decision of taking our son off of life support. I never thought any of our kids would pass away before us. I never thought I would be where I am today. I never thought I would be doing the unbelieveable I remember having my life planned out so perfectly and now I don't know anything. I don't even think about tomorrow anymore. I remember when I thought life was absolutely perfect and it couldn't be better. I have heard the question, if you could see into your future, would you? My answer is hell no! While I have had amazing moments in my life, I wouldn't have wanted to see all the things that have happened over these few short years twice. I honestly don't want to know whats ahead of me. Maybe it's because I'm scared to see that there might be more horrible things coming my way.
Not a whole lot of things have been going on here the last few days. I haven't felt the greatest. I think its exhaustion and stress building up. I think a part of its from missing Stetson. I can't think about him and eat at the same time. I lose my appetite when I think of him. I'm really stressed about the bills. We are behind on most of them. People that are close to me know that I don't even like being one minute late on bills or anything for that matter. I can't wait to get back on our feet again. It's definitely time to get serious about saving money back.